Too much gin, very little bucket
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
