I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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