i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
