A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
