I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
