So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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