I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
