so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
