You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He shit in the fireplace
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize