So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
