You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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