guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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