i just google imaged poop.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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