ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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