His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
