wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
