I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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