You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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