make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
