What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
