someone get that fucking seahorse.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
