if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
