Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
