When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
