paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
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