i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
