Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
