come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
