maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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