Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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