Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
