he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
