you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
