He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
