We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
