I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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