Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
