first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
