i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
