I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
