I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
