Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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