The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
