dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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