How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Randomize
