my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
