I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize