i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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