Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
