Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He better not be in your backpack
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
