Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
