You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
