I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
