Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
