Who did Billy Mays play for?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
