Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
someone owes me an orgasm
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
