Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
