I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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