There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
