I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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