did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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