Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
