thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
