just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
